Meet Mike and also William
May 1, 2009, 10:15 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


For 10 plus years I have had the good fortune of being quite close with a delightful creature named Mike D. (no, not the Beastie Boy, though he gives him a run for his money in terms of having his finger on the pulse).  Mike has an amazing penchant for coming up with the best phrases every time we approach another birthday together. Luckily he is 2 months older, so by the time I reach the age in question, a phrase such as “the Dirty 30”, “thirty-one-derful” or “the Turdy Turd” is already in place and popularized. It makes that step over into another year just a little bit easier.

One time I went to a Northern State photo shoot where there was a man named William Williams doing our hair. I reported this back to Mike and I believe it was at this moment that Mike’s alter ego, William Williams (or alternately, William William Williams) was born. Below is an excerpt from an interview Mike conducted with William, or himself. If I were you, I would pay attention. (Pls note, Mike lived in Germany with his family for a period during his totally un-awkward pre-teen years, this will come into play later)


1. you need a ride to the airport. don draper and stevie nicks have pulled up outside your apartment in matching vehicles. who do you choose?

jesus h. had i known this was going to be the category 5 of interviews, i would have worn clean underwear. ugh. well, where am i going?

1a. does that matter?

well, yes. if i’m going on vacation, i’d pick stevie. god knows she’s got a purse full of prescription ‘sleep aids’ to help me through the flight and i’m sure she drives like the white-winged dove. if i’m going home for the ho-lidays or some such, i’d have to pick don. you know, because he has such a hot, brooding, high-level of holiday angst and nothing says “holidays” like driving drunk to JFK.

2. you seem so wise and ageless. i have to ask, though, what was life like as a teenager?

i guess pretty average for a figure-skating ladyboy living on the european mainland. lots of acid wash, weinerschnitzel and gummi baerchen. and a smattering of flouncing around with high hair and an insistence that the Dirty Dancing Too soundtrack was the shiznit. same as yours, minus kick-line.

3. what is your preferred format in a single piece, body-concealing item of clothing?

well, many would have thought the slanket (a.k.a. the snuggie or freedom blanket). it’s true that i have had my sofa lamping license (SLL, class 1) for a number of years now and can get stupid cozy on just about any piece of plush-stuffed cushion and this is the environment where the slanket truly shines. but, i prefer quelquechose in a couture kaftan. something tailored and light that says, “st. tropez? don’t be gauche.”

4. how did it come to pass that your first, middle and last name are the same?

i don’t understand. my given name is William William Williams. so, my first and middle names are the same and my last name is different. i’ll let you know if it changes, though.



1 Comment so far
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this is amazing. ps – am wrapped in slanket as we speak.

Comment by Hesta

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